I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
