Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
