New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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