Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
