Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Vodka?
Forever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
