do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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