After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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