Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
