I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize