I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i believe in u and ur pee
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
