and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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