dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
