ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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