I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
