the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
