I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
