i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
