i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
