just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
