If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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