My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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