I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
