Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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