Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
