so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
