I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
