I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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