I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
