You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm passing your future prison.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
