i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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