That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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