Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
