I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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