i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
