1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
