Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
