Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
