My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
