I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
