where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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