Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
