so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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