I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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