Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
