You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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