no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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