Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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