duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize