I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize