he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
