My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Found the puke drawer
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
