I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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