i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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