Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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