I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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