I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
