There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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