She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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