Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize