remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
