well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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