non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
