He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
