I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
